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May 2019

Rock Concert

May 8, 2019 - June 21, 2022
Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E. Burnside St.
Portland, OR 97214 United States

Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. Look, I ain’t in this for your revolution, and I’m not in it for you, Princess. I expect to be well paid. I’m in it for the money. Ye-ha! What good is a reward if you ain’t around to use it? Besides, attacking that battle station ain’t my idea of courage. It’s more like…suicide. Hey, Luke! May the Force be with you. But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see!…

$15 – $40
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June 2019

Birthday Party

June 22, 2019 @ 3:30 pm - January 13, 2023 @ 5:00 pm
Krispy Kreme, 6935 South Lindbergh
St. Louis, MO 63129 United States

Why do you think that she is a witch? He hasn’t got shit all over him. Well, I didn’t vote for you. A newt? Look, my liege! I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now leave before I am forced to taunt you a second time!

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Board Meeting

June 23, 2019 @ 12:00 pm - July 27, 2021 @ 1:30 pm
Musee D’Orsay, 1 Rue de la Légion d'Honneur
Paris, 75007 France

I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret base. What?! I care. So, what do you think of her, Han? The Force is strong with this one. I have you now. But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Red Five standing by.

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July 2019

Dinner Party

July 20, 2019 @ 6:00 pm - July 26, 2027 @ 8:30 pm
The Corn Palace, 601 N Main St
Mitchell, SD 57301 United States

Look, my liege! Shut up! Will you shut up?! What a strange person. But you are dressed as one… You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Ah-thoor Keeng, you and all your silly English K-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur,…

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Cupcake Decorating

July 22, 2019 @ 1:30 pm - July 31, 2022 @ 3:30 pm
The Corn Palace, 601 N Main St
Mitchell, SD 57301 United States

Oh God, my uncle. How am I ever gonna explain this? The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands. I suggest you try it again, Luke. This time, let go your conscious self and act on instinct. I want to come with you to Alderaan. There’s nothing for me here now. I want to learn the ways of the Force and be a Jedi, like my father before me. As you wish. I don’t know what…

free
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Weekend Long Adventure

July 22, 2019 @ 5:00 pm - October 15, 2020 @ 6:00 pm
Cambridge University Library, West Road
Cambridge, CB3 9DR United Kingdom

Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. D’oh. A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

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August 2019

Movie Marathon

August 20, 2019 @ 10:00 am - October 21, 2021 @ 8:00 pm
Winchester Mystery House, 525 S Winchester Blvd
San Jose, CA 95128 United States

What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold. The Internet King? I wonder…

$20
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Late Night Party

August 21, 2019 @ 8:00 pm - November 1, 2022 @ 1:00 am
Party Haus, 330 S Broadway Unit 602
Los Angelos, CA 90013 united States

Well, I got better. Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! The swallow may fly south with the sun, and the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land. It’s only a model. It’s only a model.

$5
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Farmer’s Market

August 26, 2019 - August 13, 2022
Bamboo Fresh, 655 Front St. #108
Lahaina, HI 96761 United States

Who’s that then? Shh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride to Camelot! Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system! The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king. Camelot!

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